Nope! Nope! Nope!...and more NOPE

Finding myself in a dark room. Wishing that meant photography but of course you little cusser, it do not. Nope. And I wonder why I feel so melancholy sometimes. I miss you gehl, I miss youuu. Chelsea Wildflower. Your name is freaking Wildflower. Gawd, that's unique. I hate that people don't understand me. You know, that's all I really want most times. Just. See, you don't have to pretend to be understanding. If you look at me and be, it'll happen. I'm watching The Sweetest Thing with Cameron Diaz and Christina Applegate and some other chick who wasn't considered famous enough to make title actor...what is this movie about anyway? It's kind of depressing. Cameron, stop talking. Wow, what a jerk. You don't wanna read this. I'm stopping myself.

LOVE. is, important...?
I don't understand.
I hate myself right now...no, I'm not suicidal.

This movie is about love. It is making my jealous. :(
I'm leaving now...
later.

HAAAAA! OMGEEEEE SHE LEFT HIMMMM.
wait, no...
okay.
I officially hate this bye.
no mom you can't read it.

THANK YOU PLACES

Collision has inspired a change in my life. I have a fear of people but I know it is useless. And Collision has helped me to be okay with being afraid. Like Growtowski helped me with my fear of movement. I move all the time now. Fuck, I don't dance. I still hate dancing. I don't want to dance because I hate how my stomach and thighs jiggle. But I move. And Collision has pushed me towards the part of my life that wants to know people and understand things I don't usually want to understand. I want to be able to be okay with not knowing everything. I don't know much, and I realize that it really doesn't matter...so long as I can learn from other people. It's really disappointing how much of my teen years have been wasted sulking in self pitty. Shit, I've only got two more years to be a teenager. I better use it up. I want to soke up the world. I'm terrified of life, YES, but fuck that I don't care I'm still gunna jump of this damn building without a parachute. But all I wanna know is...


Will you come with me?

Theatre Rat

I'm loving loving loving acting through the summer. This just feels right. So I won't be dead when August comes around. I'm writing so much and sharing it with others and it feels good. Thank you for this opportunity.
I'm in love with my life. It's so beautifully human.

When in Doubt, be "Over There"

Every thing's jumbling around in my dippy head. I have thoughts of every thing. I want to do everything that I want to do but I just want to sleep more than that. I am waiting too much. That's my problem, I've become comfortable with waiting. And watching. And not doing anything about anything. I sit and watch things happen, wishing it was happening to me. But look at me. Where am I//what the hell am I doing? Shit. But sitting on my bum and whining like hell that nobody loves me and how badly I wanna go home. Shut up. I just wanna tell myself to shut up. Ha! If you want the damn boy to pay you attention then don't walk away in the middle of conversation. Yeah your fucking insecure who the FUCK isn't? I bet if you weren't always trying to predict people's actions, you'd be successful. Stop feeling guilty. You need to get out of your head.

I have to just go know and. Be

For the Benefit of Chelsea

HEY MAARIYAH, THIS IS CHElSEA I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. THIS TIME BABY
I'LL BE BURNING THROUGH

Monologue.

Susan:

I like old people, Mr. Slade. They appeal to me. Not because of the
fortune I extort from them or the salary I command as a nurse. Not
because I enjoy seeing doctors pack them in four and five to a room,
neglect them, tie them down, leave them in their own waste, and
frighten them I'm ways you and I will never understand until we face
old age ourselves. It's in spite of all that, Mr. Slade, they still
appeal to me. Why? Because at the edge of existance, in this world
they are still the most gallant people I know. And when a lady like
Mrs. Slade and a gentleman like Colonel Runney find each other, I
watch them grow younger! You can scoff at it and deny it but I say let
them keep their love!

Bliss >>> Insanity

Start
Roll around and shit
Form flower
Totum
Trust Circle
Collapse-Cat kicks
Floor Hand Flower/ Duets
Drag partner off stage...struggle